WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BLONDE GENIES?
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and the floor is covered in 100 dollar bills.
Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one: "Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
An archaeology student finds an ancient bottle with two genies inside on a day trip to Lake Mead (in Nevada). After being granted 3 wishes his life changes. (drama xxxx minutes. graphic violence, adult situation/nudity, adult language- R-rated)
The Genesis of Two Blond Genies.
Two blonde genies (TBG) came into being from a conversation a friend of mine was having with a guy in a chat room on the subject of baseball. They were having a discussion about players, teams, salaries, salary caps, at which point the guy went on an angry rant about owners of major league teams being parasites, all were basically greedy Jews or controlled by Jews and it was a conspiracy to undermine the American way of life by ruining an American born pastime. This chat room guy went on and on of his contempt for Jews ending his statement with, "The one thing Jews and I have in common is we both hate Adolf Hitler, I hate Hitler also, I hate a man that doesn't finish his work."
He then said to my friend, "what is the difference between a Jew and a pizza, well, a pizza doesn't scream when you stick it in the oven." He then sent the chat room shorthand, 'lmao' meaning, laughing my ass off. At this point my friend (African) told him he had enough, didn't like the conversation, and thought he was a racist piece of shit, etc. The chat room guy didn't know he was a black man, and went on to asked him what kind of American was he, to which he replied a black one. He then went on to call all blacks countless lazy bastards, criminal class, not very bright, etc. Then he sent him, "hey nigger boy, what's yellow and black and screams, a bus load of niggers going over a cliff." Again followed by chat room shorthand, 'rotflmao,' which means, rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.
My friend was pretty upset about all this and replied again how he thought he was a waste of human space to which the guy just sent other racial jokes (4 more) of which TBG's was the last. My friend forwarded it to me and here we stand today, the birth of Two Blonde Genies.
What I hope to show in TBG is how such things as wholesale murder, genocide have been reduced to banality. In order to better expound on the nature of the chat room guys vulgar humor I'll need a subject around which to tell what underlies jokes like these, so I decided to use the genocide of at least 1,800,000 Armenians from 1894-1923, by the Ottoman Turks and Kemalist to do so.Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, first President of the Republic of Turkey. Mustafa Kemal Atatürk finalized the eradication of what remained of the Armenian population in the former Ottoman Empire. In a 1926 interview for the Los Angeles Examiner, Atatürk confessed knowledge of the 'millions' of Armenians murdered in the genocide during WWII, but blames it on Enver Pasha, Taalat Pasha and Djemal Pasha.
Through one character name Zeek (Zeek is a goth guy) we'll see how wholesale murder is trivialized into entertainment. Although he isn't a main character, Zeek is a lot like all of us in some ways, we tend to trivialized violent things in society that don't touch us firsthand. I needed him to be that us who observes blood and gore as if we're watching some horror flick for our amusement. My endeavor will be to tell how funny the chat room guys blonde genie joke isn't, and to inform those who are unaware of the Armenian genocide (along with the massacres of hundreds of thousands of Assyrians and Greeks by the Ottomans) at the turn of the 20th century in the process.
It should be noted that Leopold II, King of Belgium, as private owner of the Congo Free State (later to be known as the Belgian Congo, then Zaire and presently as the Democratic Republic of the Congo) murdered and maimed millions of indigenous Africans forced into slave labor for his private rubber and ivory enterprise from 1885-1908 -- pre-dating the Armenian genocide of 1915, while intersecting with the murder of 300,000 Ottoman Armenians in 1894-96 under Sultan Abdulhamid II. The exact number of those murdered and maimed by Leopold II are unknown -- some scholarly estimates put the number of Africans killed at 10,000,000.
The three men primarily responsible for the murder of 1,500,000 Armenians from 1915-1918:
Enver Pasha, Minister of War:
"The Ottoman Empire should be cleaned up of the Armenians and the Lebanese. We have destroyed the former by the sword, we shall destroy the latter through starvation."
"I have accomplished more toward solving the Armenian problem in three months than [Sultan] Abdul Hamid II accomplished in thirty years.......we have already disposed of three quarters of the Armenians, there are none at all left in Bitlis, Van, and Erzeroum. The hatred between the Turks and the Armenians is now so intense that we have got to finish with them. If we don't, they will plan their revenge.......We have been reproached for making no distinction between the innocent Armenians and the guilty, but that was utterly impossible, in view of the fact that those who were innocent today might be guilty tomorrow."
Human history tells us no crimes of this magnitude have ever happened without some level of premeditation on the part of the perpetrators. A nation doesn't walk blindly forward making its mind up about these kinds of events as it goes along, that notion is absurd. The Armenian Genocide, perpetrated by the Ottoman Turks, was choreographed at the highest levels of the Ottoman Empire. Aside from the murder of 300,000 Armenians citizens of the Ottoman Empire by Sultan Abdulhamid II, The chief architects of the much larger Armenian Genocide conducted 20 years after Abdulhamid II, were Enver Pasha, Taalat Pasha and Djemal Pasha. What happened to a million and a half Armenians under their triumvirate, was later carefully studied by the Germans. In fact, the German high command assisted their allies, the Ottoman Turks in implementing the Armenian genocide. There is documented proof that German generals who served as members of the military mission in Turkey ordered some of the Armenian mass deportations.
German Ambassador to the Ottoman Empire, Baron von Wagenheim (right) to American Ambassador to the Ottoman Empire Henry Morganthau.
"I shall do nothing for the Armenians."
The Holocaust was later pulled from the Ottoman Turks play book by Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich, and used as a blueprint for the far more efficient genocide of Jews in WWII. It was Adolf Hitler who said, "Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?" The only thing that changed regarding the Holocaust of the Jews of Europe was the efficiency of the killing methods and the date -- otherwise it was the same ugly song, on a different day. Through TBG, I'll expound on former president of Iraq, Saddem Hussein's claim to the country known as Kuwait (province 19 as many Iraqi's still refer to it) and both nations historical significance having both been part of the Ottoman Empire.
Two Blonde Genies (told in three parts).
The first act:
Sultan AbdulHamid II
It is the year 1883 in the Ottoman Empire; the location is Topkapi Palace, the summer residence of Sultan AbdulHamid II, soon to be known as the Red Sultan for the indiscriminate slaughter of 300,000 Armenians citizens in the Ottoman Empire between 1894-1896, predating the genocide that took the lives of a 1,500,000 Armenians during WWI. The genie bottle is the possession of the Sultan and it is stolen by an Armenian domestic servant who flees his meager life with only the cloths on his back, several ornate bottles and a few other trinkets (a jewel encrusted pistol, a bedazzling woman's ring with diamonds & rubies, a few silver and gold coins) he has stolen from the Sultan's summer palace. The Armenian servant (Artun, a Christian) is an impoverish man, the typical domestic in most aspects. Surrounded by ostentatious wealth he succumbs to the many temptations and steals the bottles, trinkets, etc and flees Turkey across the northern desert of Iraq and into Kuwait (where the bottle will be found by an American soldier of Operation Desert Storm in 1991 some one hundred years and eight years later and smuggled back to the United States). A mullah (chief aid to the Sultan) summons a Captain (Captain Kurteom) in the Sultan's personal guards. He orders Captain Kurteom to hunt down the Armenian domestic and retrieve the bottles and all other possessions of the Sultan. Kurteom's orders are to find him and make an example of him as a future deterrent to others who might think to commit similar acts in the future. However, the mullah doesn't tell the Captain of the magical powers one particular bottle possesses, only it is of much value to the Sultanate and that its beauty has been sullied by the Armenian and the offense to the empire must be avenged. Captain Kurteom is a sadist with a deep distain for the Christians of the Ottoman Empire --he's had many prior dealings with Armenians, Greeks and Assyrians all of which ended fatally.
While part I is a fictionalized account of events, (crafted for sake of the TBG joke) the actual events that occurred in the Ottoman Empire before and during the reign of Sultan Abdulhamid II will be referenced, namely, the Herzegovinian rebellion, the Russo-Turkish war, Treaties of San Stefano and Berlin, Abdulhamid II overthrow of his brother (Murad V), the Ottoman Bank takeover, Urfa massacre and Constitutional failures that lead up to the Young Turk rebellion, etc. When Sultan Abdulhamid II unleashed his murderous wrath on the Armenians, with Kurdish participation, there was an outcry from western nations, but it did very little to stop this destruction of the Christian population of the Ottoman Empire (which included not only the Armenians but Greeks and Assyrians who were the financial backbone of the Ottoman Empire).
"If we should take into consideration merely the violent massacre of from 80,000 to 100,000 Armenians [by Sultan Abdulhamid II] we can come to but one opinion -- we must absolutely condemn with all anger and vehemence both the assassins and their instigators. They have perpetrated the most abominable massacres upon masses of people, more numerous and worse than those inflicted by Charlemagne on the Saxons. What then prohibits us from falling upon the Turk and saying to him, 'get thee gone, wretch!' Only one thing prohibits us, for the Turk answers, 'I, too, I fight for my existence' -- and indeed, we believe him. We believe, despite the indignation which the bloody Mohammedan barbarism arouses in us, that the Turks are defending themselves legitimately, and before anything else we see in the Armenian question and Armenian massacres a matter of internal Turkish policy, merely an episode of the agony through which a great empire is passing, which does not propose to let itself die without making a last attempt to save itself by bloodshed.
The danger for Turkey in the Armenian question is one of extinction. For this reason she resorts to an act of a barbarous Asiatic state, she has destroyed the Armenians to such an extent that they will not be able to manifest themselves as a political force for a considerable period. A horrible act, certainly, an act of political despair, shameful in its details, but still a piece of political history, in the Asiatic manner.
In spite of the displeasure which the German Christian feels at these accomplished facts, he has nothing to do except quietly to heal the wounds so far as he can, and then to let matters take their course.
For a long time our [German] policy in the Orient has been determined, we belong to the group that protects Turkey, that is the fact by which we must regulate our conduct. We do not prohibit any zealous Christian from caring for the victims of these horrible crimes, from bringing up the children and nursing the adults. May God bless these good acts like all other acts of faith. Only we must take care that deeds of charity do not take the form of political acts which are likely to thwart our German policy.
On one side lie our duties as a nation, on the other our duties as men. There are times, when, in a conflict of duties, we can choose a middle ground. That is all right from a human standpoint, but rarely right in a moral sense. In this instance, as in all analogous situations, we must clearly know on which side lies the greatest and most important moral duty. Once we have made such a choice we must not hesitate. Kaiser Wilheim II has chosen. He has become the friend of the Sultan, because he is thinking of a greater, independent Germany."
Part 2 is the telling of the TBG joke. The lead character's name is Cameron Boyce, he is a former archaeology student with a passion for art. He lives in a downtown area motel room like apartment. Drives a tiny car on it's last leg. His pleasure are his travels throughout the southwestern United States with his metal detector in hand, until now not having found anything of interest or value outside of a few indian and civil war era objects.
He has only one male friend (Zeek) and a female co-worker at a Vegas strip store selling the latest music CD's (that doubles as a tattoo and piercing establishment). There is an extremely attractive black woman working in a martial art studio next to Cameron's job he is taken with but she hardly notices him (Cameron 1). His female co-worker has her own group of friends who don't like Cameron or Zeek much, but at her insistence, they invited Cameron to accompany them to Lake Mead.
It is at Lake Mead, that Cameron leaves the group (metal detector in hand) and finds the genie bottle and makes his three wishes. He returns to find the group has pulled up stakes and left in his absence -- he gets in his car and heads home. Arrives having found someone tried to break into his apartment, goes to sleep totally discussed at the state of his life -- he awakes a new man, Cameron Boyce, tall dark and handsome billionaire.
In this elongated narrative of the TBG joke we have the sexual orgy involving Cameron and 50 women (all black), Cameron finds out he's a billionaire on par with Bill Gates and Warren Buffet and sets out to live accordingly. Through a series of events he invites the woman he's attracted to at the martial arts studio out on a date, they go to the Guggenheim Museum and the Bellagio Gallery of Art, and he impresses her with his knowledge of world class paintings. He pursues the purchase of Steve Wynn's entire art collection at the Wynn Las Vegas casino. With the exception of Le Reve he is successful. He invites Zeek to move in with him at which time we find out what makes him tick, examine issues of race in america (Cameron is a racialist, Zeek a closet racist of southern origin), the political environment of Nevada, and other political/social issues.